Moving On..

Wow, it's been a while since my last post. I guess I just haven't had much I wanted to verbalize lately. That is not saying that there hasn't been much going on. I am still traveling back and forth every week to and from Nashville. Still being a stay at home mommy. I still spend a majority of my time cleaning, doing laundry, browsing the web, and trying to find something interesting on tv. Occasionally, I get to go grocery shopping or to the park. Those small trips are really the highlight of my week in Mississippi actually. Sad I know lol. After much thought and consideration, I have decided to change my major. Oh and for those of you that missed the announcement on facebook, yes, I am going back to school again. I am now a Pre-Law major. I am not setting the goal of becoming an attorney. I am just going to start and see where I end up. At the very least, I want to become a paralegal. I plan on going wherever life decides to take me. I have spent a good majority of my life worrying. Worrying and planning. While I still like to plan some things, I am making a conscious effort to let go and let God. For the last 2 1/2 years in particular all I have done is stressed, worried, plotted, obsessed. I just can't do it anymore. I still plan on taking hold of any opportunities that come my way, but I'm just not going to be so consumed with trying to find them. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." There has never been a time in my life where I understand the tru meaning of that saying more than now. I guess I just had to travel to the end of that road to really see. Regardless, it is my life's new theme. All of the chaos I have endured the past few years has turned me into this crazy person that I don't even recognize. I hate it. I know technically you're not supposed to "hate" anything but this I do. I.hate.it. I have let it drag me down long enough but I will allow that to happen no more. I feel like I have lost myself..who I really am. I need to find Brandie again. The kind of Brandie that was fun-loving and so happy. The kind of Brandie that didn't care what kind of curveballs life threw at her, she'd always have a catchers mit on both hands. The kind of Brandie that didn't "need" a thing but what God gave her. The kind of Brandie that was not afraid. Yes, I want my soul back. I feel like the life has been sucked out of me and I want it back. There are many things up in the air right now, of which I will not discuss, but never fear my friend. When I have reached a decision on those issues, you will know. I feel like I need time away and alone to figure things out and find me. It's virtually impossible with a husband and two children. So what do I do instead? Any suggestions? Really, I'd like to know because I havent got a clue anymore. I have read books, my Bible, prayed..nada. I am in kind of a slump and I desperately need to climb out of it. There are just some things I am confused about. I do know one thing for sure. I am no longer going to accept that I should have to settle for mediocre. I deserve better than that. This I know. Now I just have to figure out what I am going to do about it. I know this probably just sounds like a bunch of rambling but I guess that's why this is my first post of the month, and it will more than likely be the last, too. I have a lot of figuring out to do. No big revelations just yet. So stay tuned. I have a feeling it might get interesting. And if you actually read all the way to the end of this blog, you are awesome. Thanks.