Echo

So today was Rylee's last day here with me for the week. At 5:00 her stepmother came and got her. I unfortunately had to work today. So while I was gone all day she hung out with Corey and Carter and she left before I got off. When I first got home I walked into her room and it was quiet. No Disney movie on the tv, no "Mommy!!!", no music coming from her toys, nothing. Corey and Carter are gone at the moment too. So I stood there for a minute looking around thinking back on the week we just spent together....and wondered what she is doing now. I can picture her at her dads house playing or coloring. Lonely. So lonely is what I feel at this moment. I could stand in the middle of her room and scream and there would still be nothing. Nothing but an echo..and echo from the emptiness the room bears. The next thing I felt was sadness. I literally got on my knees next to her bed and begged God to fix things as tears came flowing out. I hate how everything is right now. I wish her father would wake up one day and realize we don't have to fight for the rest of our lives. I am so tired...so tired of fighting. I am prepared to do whatever it takes in court but I am scared. But at the moment all I can think about is Rylee..her hugs, kisses, smell, laugh. There are no words that could justify the feeling I am overwhelmed with right at this moment. Sometimes I just wonder when is it enough. Although I just saw her this morning, I miss her as much as the world is big. Last night I found out she has an upcoming field trip to the zoo. There is a big possibility it might be too late to sign up. I might actually miss her field trip because her father didnt find it necessary to inform me. Like I said... I am just..tired. Sad and tired.