Ephesians 4:32 - And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:31 - Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice
Psalms 37:8 - Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.
Matthew 18:15 - Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
and of course....
Colossians 3:13 - Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
See there it is..in his word. We are to forgive those who trespass against us and those who hurt us and do us wrong. Recently Caleb and I started attending a new church that a couple friends of his attend and we love it. Standing in the room during praise and worship you feel...alive. There is no mistaking that the Lord is in your presence. It's amazing actually. We've been going for a few weeks now and have decided to make that our new church home. We previously attended lifepoint in Smyrna but felt we needed a change. Caleb wants to get involved in the music industry and I would too if I could sing in front of a crowd without fainting lol So here we are, both headed together on this new life together headed out on a beautiful journey. Recently I have found one particular area of interest that is troubling me. Forgiveness. Most of the time I am pretty laid back. Seriously I love a good time and am typically very quick to let things go. There are a few in particular though that I just simply do not know how to forgive. Usually when someone stabs you in the back or hurts you so much it's not done by someone so close to you..someone you loved so much. This has been my experience anyway. I could see it coming at some point and have time to brace myself. But this time in particular, I didn't. It was like being t-boned by a semi truck. Some might say, "It was a long time ago just let it go." or "It doesnt matter anymore, they aren't a part of your life now." Wrong. It still matters and it still hurts. Someone I had known my whole life acted like a crazy person so I decided to distance myself in hopes that time would allow the dust to settle. Instead, this person turned their back during the time I needed friendship and love the most. I don't like being lied to and I'm far from stupid. I think the part that shocks me the most is the incident that was witnessed by this person...evidently was no big deal. Everything I experienced and shared with this person in confidence apparently meant nothing...like it wasnt even true. It truly just blows my mind. The best part was being told about how I should live by a person who's sin list is pretty extensive and never goes to church. Then there is person #2. Someone who attended church faithfully and lived the prime example of what a christian life should be. This person being a friend listened to me share stories and cry over the insane things I experienced with the ex-husband...things I still have nightmares about and that have allowed me to be diagnosed with post traumatic stress. After all that, I am told that I made a mistake leaving my abusive husband. That I was sinning by moving on with my life and dating someone else after we weren't together anymore. That year was the hardest year of my life. I went through so much trying to save that marriage and it has cost me things I will never be able to get back. There are flashbacks of that old life that I'm not sure will ever go away. I was crazy in the beginning for ever staying and now all of a sudden I was crazy for leaving. Doesn't make sense. And how judgementful...especially coming from a friend of God. Everything that happened after this just spiraled out of control and now it all lies in pieces at the bottom of a cliff. So God has given me a happy new life with someone I can grow with ....and I am supposed to forgive...But I am hurt and don't know how. I can't. Friends I ask for prayers for help with this. I want to live for Him and please Him, but I can't do it on my own.
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